Archive for August, 2012

Good morning!  It’s 2 am soon, and that’s technically not morning, but I won’t have time to write here when I get up anyways, so I`m cheating.  Early start in about 5 hours, second seminar on Feminist Writing.  If the teacher is even half as interesting as last time, it’ll be a good day.  If it doesn’t rain, and if my feet stop aching after 4 hours of wandering around with high heeled Sasha Gabor sandals today, it’ll be an even better day!

In short; high hopes and great expectations!

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I may or may not have had a very desirable plot bunny jump right in front of my nose while I was in class today, giving me an idea for what to write my Master’s thesis on (which I`m not supposed to do for another year), and it may or may not have involved comic books, fantasy movies, Satan, and various mythologies.

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Right now I`m watching Medium and feeling much better than earlier today.  I finally started eating more normally again, and it helped me balance out.  I guess I`m doing okay.  Let’s just say that things aren’t going my way.  I am suddenly $15k in debt, and will be out of enough money to pay rent in less than two months.  I can only miss 1-3 seminars in TOTAL all semester, and I don’t even know if attendance was noted on Tuesday.  It was noted today, the first day and introduction of (the third) class.  And most of the other classes are terribly boring.  As in, I don’t even know if I`ve been this bored since I was 12.  I`m floating now, keeping adrift or something. We’ll see.  I really need a job!

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Seriously, though!  I`m gonna go find if I can eat anything.  I`m no longer sure if it’s nerves, stress or hormones (not PMS) or all three together, but whatever it is, I`m sick of it. I`m sick FOR it!  And I`m sick of bursting into tears every few minutes for no better reason. So yeah, I need to fix this.

The nerves make me stop eating, which makes me hormonal, which makes me imbalanced, which in turn makes my nerves go suicidal. (Not me, not yet.)  If food is the (easiest) answer here, then consider me ready for some binging.  Except for the fact that I feel sick, and don’t feel like doing anything like consuming substenance.  In fact, I just want to curl up into a ball and recite poetry, until I forget why I`ve stopped eating (but am still obsessing over food).

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I just found out that I have a double seminar on Tuesdays as well, which I didn’t know of before now (and therefore missed).  I think it opened a dam or something, because now I can’t stop waves of sobbing to wash over me every five minutes or so.  I don’t know what to do!

This was my first seminar and info meeting, and I don’t have access to my page nor my school mail yet.  I`m stuck!  I don’t know if I missed something really important, first day ‘n all!  And I don’t have anyone I can talk to.

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Pardon my wordvomit, I just hate this kind of useless despair.

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 OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE

EW EW EW!

Du vil ikke TRO hvor ille denne episoden er!  Herregud, dette er så ille at jeg tror det nesten ikke selv!  Æsj og fysj og for et TROLL den damen er, hun ligger på ræva i senga si mens alle andre rydder rundt henne, og KLAGER på alle de som vil hjelpe, og skylder på barna og sier det er dems skyld, når det er HENNES søppel som griser til HELE huset, og HENNES sprøytenåler som ligger på GULVET der barna (nesten voksne, men dog) går.  Nei, jeg klarer ikke engang beskrive hvor ille det er.  Og hun vil IKKE forandre seg, heller.  Skremselsfaktor = 100!

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I`m sitting indian-style, with a fan in front of me, with my laptop balanced half on me and half on an up-side-down clothes hanger resting partly on my one ankle. And yes, that’s exactly as precarious as it sounds.  Also, it’s getting a bit painful.

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