And so, this is Xmas

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Idolizing

Idolize – Verb: Admire, revere, or love greatly or excessively.

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Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but I hate idolizing.  By idolizing I mean a bit of worshiping, adoring and especially deifying, but most especially to see someone as (or make them out to be) absolutely perfect.  Of course the definition of the word perfect is varied, especially as an adjective, but I`m gonna stick to my own definition here because it’s 2 am and my head aches.

I`ll try to exemplify:  Person A thinks person B is perfect.  (To make matters simpler for everyone, A is a woman and B is a man in this instance.)  Person B could be a movie star, a regular celebrity, a random guy on the street, I don’t care.  But person A thinks B is pretty darn awesome.  He is pretty, well-mannered, and perhaps a bit edgy.  Is that stereotypical enough?  Okay, on to deeper thoughts.  After a while, these kinds of crushes usually fade a bit.  Perhaps Lady A notices after a few weeks of stalking observing B that he has a few faults.  Person B is not perfect.  He is a normal guy who farts and swears and does stupid things.  Okay, but maybe person A can overlook that.  In her eyes, B is extraordinary!  He is awesome!  He can do nothing wrong!  He… just said something that was not perfect, maybe even a bit stupid.  Hmm, maybe he isn’t the big deal Lady A thought him to be.  Her crush slowly fades away into something more reasonable, where she can observe from a more objective vantage point.  She still thinks B is pretty darn awesome, but he is not a perfect human being or whatnot.  He is a realistic image of a human being again.  She no longer idolizes him, and the magic fades.

Did that make any sense at all?  Anywhoozle.  Now imagine another pair of A and B.  A is now a man and B is now a woman (for random plot purposes) (because my shrink says variation is good and whatnot).  Dude A has a total crush on lady B.  Lady B is a totally hot piece of ass, but she also packs a pretty good brain AND personality in there.  She is almost the definition of the perfect human being, at least to dude A.  After a few weeks of stalking observing, person A has noticed more about B.  BUT!  Lady B is still the awesome being she was in the beginning, she is still beautiful and smart and totally adorable.  After all this time, she’s still super nice and cool, and everything she does is absolutely positive and there’s nothing bad to be said about her.  Oh, and she’s single.  And she loves her fans, and does a lot of random shit to make them happy in ways they adore.  (I made her a celebrity because of reasons.)

Usually, one would discover flaws in another person after a while, but here’s the problem: There doesn’t seem to be any!  What should person A do now?

These examples suck, I`m sorry.  My point is I`m more than likely person A.  In fact, I am dude A who has a total crush on lady B (except I`m not really a dude and this is getting confusing), and my PROBLEM is that person B is, after MONTHS of stalking observing, STILL as goddamn perfect and beautiful as before.  I’m idolizing.  I HATE idolizing!

I don’t hate crushes.  I can deal with crushes, I have tiny ones all the time, usually to fictional characters.  I`ve had a great many celebrity crushes in my time as well, and a few of them lasted longer than others.  For example, I still have a total celebrity crush on David Bowie.  Not too weird, the dude is totally hawt and has a voice to die for.  (I easily fall for voices.)  But after way more than five years, this crush has faded a bit.  It did fade pretty early on, and then became something steady and cool that I had no flake with.  I stopped idolizing, and simply indulged in having a crush on someone who wasn’t at all perfect.

This is how it should be – you open your eyes and smell the flowers, and remove the green or rose-tinted glasses.  Everyone and everything has flaws, and the world is still beautiful!

My problem, as person A, is that person B has yet to stop being perfect in my eyes.  I have stalked observed him for quite some time now, and have YET to find any faults in him, except for him being SO GODDAMN PERFECT.  Now, I don’t really know everything about him.  Hell, I have never even talked to the guy and will likely never even meet him!  I know almost nothing, except what social media has shared with the world (although he helps a lot in that regard, the tweeting bastard).  And I am as of yet unable to see him as anything but an idol, a perfect human motherfucking being.  It annoys me greatly, because I KNOW that he cannot be perfect.  It is out of my control, and I really want the control of my own life back in my goddamn hands!  No human being is this perfect, and if they are, WHY SHOULD THEY BE SO INACCESSIBLE??  The human male has been ruined for me, because nothing can ever be as perfect as this motherfucker.  I am real tired of this shit.  I just want to be able to view the guy as a normal human being.  Is that really so fucking hard?  Motherfucker.

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PS:  Dersom du kjenner meg IRL så vet du nok hvem det er jeg prater om.

Jeg har god grunn til å ikke dele navn med omverdenen, annet enn hemmelighetskremmeri, but I`ll shave it for later.

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supposed to be sleepy now but

Die Hard was on TV and I don’t know what happened

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I don’t know ’bout you guys, but I`m having a GREAT time on this fine December Doomsday. :D

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I delivered my second paper a couple of hours ago, and then opened the criteria for the third.  It looks absolutely horribly evil, so I`m doing some productive procrastinating.  And I really mean productive procrastinating, because that is indeed possible.

I am listening to my recordings from the classes when we discussed the book that I`ll most likely be writing my paper about, to refresh my memory, etc.  I`m so extremely scatter-brained these days, and I need a lot of these semi-breaks.

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This book will be the end of me.

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At least we got a white December

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I`m not sure whether I`d prefer stabbing myself in my left hand or go on with these exams.  If it became an ultimatum, I might actually go for the stabbing.

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The presents came early this year.

PS:  The box is FILLED with even more authors. 

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It is SO frikkin’ cold outside, but STILL no snow.

I really hate Oslo sometimes.

Speaking of which, I am going to stay in my home town through most of December.  I have three exams to finish, and need the help to get through it all.

It’ll be HELL from the 10’th to the 20’th.  And then, on to vacation.

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