You wanna know why I am bored?  I am bored because I sort of kind of want to play more of the crappy PC-game I`ve been wasting my time on for the past week or so.  But I know it is a waste of time, and I know it is time badly spent.  I know that I should not play games or waste my time (especially on such a low-quality old-timer as that one).  I should feel bad for wasting so much time on doing nothing, instead of going out to do something and changing the world etc.  I should feel bad for wanting to waste my own time.  And thus I am stuck here, feeling bad for wanting to do something entertaining for myself but unable to do so, and thus feeling bad for just sitting here doing nothing at all.


This post contains several references to the Harry Potter universe, because I needed to vent my pained feelings to somebody who would know what I meant when I use the Cruciatus curse to describe a particular kind of pain. 


I was at the dentist’s some 12 hours ago, and fixed three more molars* (whole bottom jaw has now been tortured through), and now only have two more appointments to go before I am hopefully out of that office for YEARS to come (unlike previous years, with all the breaking and cracking of molars**).  The local anesthetic*** lasts for about 5-6 hours, and I started to feel tiny twinges of pain in the middle molar (of those fixed) around that time. “Oh no”, I think to myself, as I have already gone through more than a month of not being able to chew properly with the left side of my mouth because of similar pains in the opposite molar, “Good thing I`m going back there tomorrow anyway”.  After a few hours of small twinges now and then, there’s a slight pause. “It’s over!” I hope. And then the mother of all pains shoots through my tooth, and it is like being hit with the Cruciatus curse for a millisecond before being almost immediately let go again.  And as you stand there, trying to catch your breath, someone hits you again, and even though you were merely hit by the curse for a millisecond, you can feel the ghost of the pain shooting through your whole body, immobilizing you before turning you into a quivering mess, anxiously waiting for the next twinge.  Sometimes a few minutes pass inbetween, sometimes almost an hour. Maybe you start to forget. And then it hits you again; A short burst each time, but it’s enough to drive you mad.


*  Including a couple of baby teeth, as I have 2 of those instead of proper teeth because my body is stupid.
**  Seriously, I was breaking whole teeth once a week for a while!
***  Not mentioned: My crippling needle phobia and how I have bravely (and less bravely) defied it more times during the past three months than the Potters defied Voldemort.


PS:  My dentist is new (to me) and he is infinitely better than my many other ones, even though he always insists on sticking a needle in me.  At least he does a proper job, even IF my nerves end up being effed up in the process. ;_;
PPS:  I am going back tomorrow to fix yet another tooth, and HOPEFULLY I can get something done. But if it is anything like the left side, it cannot be fixed. I`d rather lose my whole tooth than go on for days (or MORE??) with this.
PPPS:  I am not writing this to get pity, it was quite therapeutic to just get it out in writing.  I just really needed someone to understand what I mean when I describe a tooth ache by using the Cruciatus curse.

I totally forgot to post this.

This is my reply when step-sis decides to send me a snapchat of her slightly messy room after packing to go to France or something fancy like that.

I have no sympathy.  I live in the basement!

“I always worried someone would notice me, and then when no one did, I felt lonely.”

― Curtis Sittenfeld

If I were to write a letter, and would be unable to send it by such modern means as mail or by regular postal service, but instead would have to send it on horseback and perhaps by ship overseas, I would probably not keep the letter short. Spending so much time and energy as that on something so trivial as, say, a response in 100 words or less would be quite… inefficient; Wasteful, even. In these modern times, almost everything we do is supposed to be done quickly and efficiently. We are not to waste time, and not to waste words. Filling up pages upon pages with adjectives and various descriptions is for the writers, those set on publishing literature for those especially interested. It is not for those conversing, less they be seen as terribly romantic or even pretentious for wasting so much energy on something so time-consuming as the writing or the reading of what could be considered trivial matter for the rest of the world. No; unless you write for an audience of more than one (thus including everyone, should they care to give a damn), you are not to waste “our” time. Speaking of which, I am afraid I have lost my train of thought, thus wasting everyone’s time. Pardon.


So here’s my story on why this game terrifies me (besides the fact that I am easily terrified by scary games & jumpscares).  See, I work nights down at the docks. My job is to mostly sit in the small guard-room, and now and then check the surrounding area. It is pitch black outside my door, which I leave open to freshen the air. So when FriendZone decided to play this game live, and it was 2 AM where I was sitting in my little dark room with a small storm outside (complete with dramatic lightning), it became sort of mentally scarring.

It is now 7 AM, which is probably why I decided to word-vomit about it all over the place. I am also procrastinating pressing Play on another playthrough that I wanted (but at the same time didn’t want) to watch, because I am a wimp. My earlier experience with this game was a whole lot of NOPE.

To sum it up:  NOOOOOPE. 

Reverumpa 22.08.14

Alle bilder tatt med iPhone 4S som vanlig.


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