Sunrise 01.12.14

dec 1Picture taken a few hours ago by my mum with her iPhone 5.


Min teori om samlemani er at man i bunn og grunn er livredd for å miste noe, glemme noe, eller rote noe vekk.  Det virker kanskje litt omvendt, med tanke på at resultatet av samlemani ofte er rot og uorden, og at ting nettopp “forsvinner”.  Jeg snakket akkurat i telefonen med mamma om samlemani, hovedsakelig min egen, og dette er min teori om hvorfor akkurat jeg (og muligens mine søsken) ender opp med så mye ting vi ikke trenger – så mye “søppel”, som mamma kaller det.  Mye av det er søppel.  Det aller meste av mitt rot består av gamle eiendeler og duppeditter: Samlehefter fra Penny-Klubben og eiendomspapirer på hesten jeg solgte for ti år siden.  Stiler fra skoletiden, og prøver med god karakter.  Tegninger jeg aldri samlet i et hefte, og gamle avisutklipp av Nemi.  Og klær – så mange klær.

Jeg driver i disse dager med å rydde gjennom noen hyller som står i kjellergangen utenfor hybelrommet mitt.  Disse hyllene er fulle av ting som ingen egentlig har brukt de siste 10-20 årene.  Jeg har funnet 15 år gamle bilder av ekser ingen vil se igjen, smykkebokser med ødelagte øredobber, utgåtte forsikringspapirer, et gammelt bilspeil pakket inn i plast fra en sølvfarget Nissan som ingen kan identifisere, metervis med bobleplast, ødelagt elektronikk og utgåtte batterier.  Det er ikke bare jeg som sliter med å kaste ting i denne familien;  Jeg er ikke engang den verste av oss. 


Mulig jeg skriver bittelitt mer om denne samlemani-teorien min senere, men egentlig så var det her alt jeg hadde av skrive-evner for idag.

I`m having a severe case of “the feels” about the new song from The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.  I`ve been very skeptical about the whole trilogy, especially after not liking the second one and generally being quite disappointed in the whole thing.

I remember last year, when my lil nephew loved ‘I See Fire’ and asked me all the time if I liked it (as I am the resident LotR fan left in the family) and he looked so sad every time I said I didn’t like the song or the movie.  And now he no longer lives here.

This new song is everything that is beautiful.  It even reuses the melody from Into The West. It’s been a solid hour of replays so far, but it’s 1 AM now and I still haven’t taken my meds, and by now I`m pretty much just wallowing, which isn’t good at all.   I have no one near to share these feelings with.


This week, I tried out the top three sites that came recommended in the comment section of a tumblr Ask for dealing with anxiety, negative thinking, and remembering the good things in everyday life.  After a week, I must say I rather like HabitRPG, and I can definitely recommend it for personal use.  I was very skeptical at first, but it works well with dealing with the small day-to-day stuff.  Tips: Make numerous small Habits, and include many your daily and weekly essentials. PS: The stuff on my Dailies list is not stuff I have to do, it’s just easy things I *should* do, like taking my meds & getting up in the morning.  Don’t let yourself get punished too hard for skipping a day (or four) of three essential things in your life – you’re already doing enough.  Reward yourself for getting up in the morning!  Remember to make yourself a cup of tea once in a while.



I’ve got a little girl singing on repeat in my head~


Do any of you have even the slightest idea of what it means to live with mental illness?* Of feeling a certain way most of your life, but realizing that what you’re feeling isn’t actually all that normal?  That people don’t understand what you mean when you try to describe what you’re thinking because their basis of understanding is significantly different from your own, and that your basis isn’t necessarily the right one?  Everything is wrong.  All the time.



* A lot of you probably do.  Please don’t take my words the wrong way.

Ønskeliste 2014

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In which I try to write.

We are currently in the NaNoWri-Month.

I am not a writer.


Sometimes when I sit by myself on my bed, lost in my own thoughts, I play through various scenarios and conversations in my head.  This is not unusual by any stretch of the imagination, by the way, apparently this is something everyone does more or less regularly. It is quite similar to dreaming, which is probably why it is most commonly known as “daydreaming”.  Anywhoozle, these scenarios that run through my brain are most often “what if” situations played out or explored.  “What if I had said yes instead of no?” “What if I knew this person and had to explain my life to them?” “What if I got transported back in time?”  These are but a few examples.

What annoys me is that I can do this for a really long time, basically playing out half a movie in my head, and I never write it down.  I don’t think I`ve ever written one of these down.  Earlier today I realized that I am basically writing bad novels in my head without writing them down.


We are currently in the NaNoWri-Month.

Let’s try to write something.


To be continued…


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